I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
