omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
