Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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