Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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