Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is the high leading the old right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
