You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
