My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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