Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
