If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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