You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
