wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
