you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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