her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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