Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
