I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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