Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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