yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
