I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
