My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
