i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
