I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
