so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
