How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
