dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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