I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
