my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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