I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
