Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
