Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
