Umm I'm too high to move.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
