Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
