I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
