I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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