Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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