Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
