She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
