Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
