The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will be naked everywhere
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
