bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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