Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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