I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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