There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
