So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your penis caused this!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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