shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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