I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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