I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
