Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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