...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
