just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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