I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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