I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
