Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
