just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
