Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
